Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
