Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
