I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
