maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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