I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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