So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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