he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
