my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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