One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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