i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
