i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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