i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
