Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
