at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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