Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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