Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
