So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
