I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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