My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
