did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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