ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
