is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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