Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
