My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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