I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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