Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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