So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
