We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
