Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
