I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
