I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He did a backflip because drugs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
