I feel like abortions should bother me more
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
