he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
