mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
