He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
