It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
