..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
