apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
