i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
