Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
