there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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