I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
