this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
