he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
