im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
