I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
