after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
