There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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