it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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