Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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