So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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