Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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