Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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