Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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