11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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