Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
